A Lesson in Validation

Have you ever stepped way out of your comfort zone? And then done it repeatedly for 24 hours? A few days ago that's what I did. It was horrifying at first and then it was kind of exciting, then exhilarating and I am so glad I took risks and stepped out and did these hard things. Go me! Woot!

Here's the thing tho...this is the what happened next. After I did this string of hard things, I felt like I was hanging wayyyy out there in the land of no comfort and the little fear monger inside of me started to rear it's ugly head. 

How did you do that? You shouldn't be doing that...stay here with me...thoughts like that surfaced and it felt icky. I knew I did a pretty good job but that's what my fearful self was saying.

So, I did what every freaked outer does (well I think), and I started looking for recognition from folks close to me. I full on expected them to lift me up, stroke my hair, sing my praises. But they didn't. Woah.

So then a huge waterfall of "why's" started. Gosh I really got worked up over this! The friends and family I normally turn to didn't lift me up. That stung. 

Maybe it was because they were busy. They probably were. Maybe it was because they were tired of giving me positive strokes. Maybe they didn't even know I was sitting there feeling so exposed after that series of hard things and needed a little hand holding and a warm hug. 

Here is the kicker tho, I have taken some time to reflect on this and I have learned something so valuable and had to write about it. 

I am not dependent on their validation. I thought I was at first, but now I see more clearly. My feelings were valid...to me. I am 100% capable of working through them and patting my own self on my back. 

That feels really good. In fact it feels amazing. 

Do we really want to leave our self-worth in the hands of others? I don't. 

 

Learn to give yourself the attention, approval, love, and acceptance you seek from others. Beautifully.

Here is an except from a great article about the two steps you can take to help get you there. 

Validating yourself is not just a matter of looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are a wonderful, beautiful child of God. It's not just a matter of telling yourself throughout the day that you are OK.

Your inner child—your essence—won't believe you if the approval is coming from your limited, programmed mind (your ego-wounded self). Your programmed mind is like a child or adolescent. Whose opinion would you be more likely to accept? A child’s or that of an older, wiser person?

Probably the latter.